Our Hearts Sing Here…making 17 Changes.
Why 17?
George was born on 17th April 2020,
at 17 weeks (+1).
It also takes 17 muscles for us to smile.
It’s pretty clear to us that 17 is George’s number.
James and I have been supported with so much professional advice, care and kindness. The bereavement midwife team at Dorset County Hospital took care of us from the moment we lost George, and now, 9 months later, are still doing so.
The team have set up a group called the Forget me Not group, which allows parents who have lost babies, at any stage, to meet in a safe, nurturing environment and share their experiences with people who understand. We have also joined several groups online, for various support/medical reasons, and we realise that this kind of support is not available everywhere – in fact, it sadly seems rare that bereaved parents are supported in the way we have been.
Some stand out people and moments…
Sarah, our bereavement midwife – who knew how to speak to us before, during and after delivery – using George’s name, talking to him about his Mummy and Daddy, firmly telling us that we are still parents.
Clemmie, initially one of our sonographers, now our friend, who at our 12 week scan wrote “Can’t wait to meet you Mum and Dad!” on the best scan picture – precious. Clemmie also visited us in the Forget me Not Suite to meet George, and even commented on how muscular his little arms looked – proud moments!
Sophie – one of the two midwives who led the bereavement team at the hospital – visiting us in the Forget me Not Suite, and talking us very carefully and gently through what would happen after leaving George at the hospital, where George would stay before the funeral, and giving us information packs and booklets to support us in knowing there is always someone to talk to. Sophie also gave us her mobile number, and told us to text with any questions, worries or concerns – at any time of day and night. Sophie and the other bereavement midwife, Clare, contacted us every couple of days after we arrived home, to ask how we were doing, if we needed anything, and to reassure us of the support we’ll receive in future pregnancies (we felt so fearful of the future, even as soon as we got home…). Sophie helped to arrange the funeral for George (which the hospital also paid for) and has since supported us by checking in and asking us about our on-going medical situation.
Sam – the funeral director that works with Dorset County Hospital to arrange sensitive funerals for precious babies. The moment we met him, we knew he’d look after our boy. He carefully placed the shells, letters and the little kite I’d made into George’s coffin, and didn’t even flinch when I asked him to put the string of the kite in George’s tiny hand. He found us a private space to spend time with George, as we didn’t want a ‘service’ as such (limited because of Covid lockdown but it also felt fitting with just the three of us). James had said that he had been looking forward to adventures in Ovii (our Land Rover Defender 110) with George. Sam suggested that instead of George travelling in his car to the crematorium, James could drive him in Ovii. What an honour…
Aching Arms – a charity that supplies teddy bears to hospital to comfort bereaved parents. George’s bear, and his twin ‘Ted’ provided such comfort to us in dark moments and days. ‘Ted’ now stands as a symbol of George to us – when we wish we could give George a cuddle – we cuddle Ted. Of course, George would have had his very own bear when he should have arrived home in September, so Ted brings a comforting alternative.
Why call our mission ‘Change 17’?
We hope to share some of the positives of our story, to highlight how life-changing a simple word, phrase or action can be to bereaved parents.
Throughout our loss and grief, we have felt grateful for the services and communication we’ve received. Other bereaved parents should receive this too.
The goal of Change 17 is to improve services and communication for bereaved parents. In talking to the midwives, we realise that this isn’t common practise and will differ from area to area. But it is evolving – the hospital services, funeral directors and charities need help to improve the support they can provide.
Outcomes that will help us achieve our goals:
Outcome 1
Present our story to at least:
- 17 individuals/groups of midwives
- 17 A&E department doctors and staff
- 17 funeral directors
- …to share how well we’ve been supported, in the hope that this becomes common-place for many more parents in the future. We aim to either do this in person, by letter, or via video.
Outcome 2
Write 17 articles for Change 17, indicating good practise in the hope for positive change. Please share these as widely as possible.
Outcome 3
Support our bereavement midwives, Sophie, Clare and their team in the hospital for future change…we’re still working out the details, but we may be able to fund:
- additional employment days for them (they both work on the bereavement care for just a couple of days per month),
- training for the midwife team,
- or equipment for the Forget me Not Suite.
Outcome 4
Fund at least 17 pairs of bears from Aching Arms for future bereaved parents and their babies.
How we will fundraise for Change 17
James and I got together as adventurous spirits, wanting to take on challenges and adventures. We’ve faced some mighty challenges in the last few years, but would prefer our future challenges to be for good….we will fundraise by completing challenges, and inviting you to join in – ones that really make our ‘hearts sing’ – see our page about challenges for Change 17 for more details of how we’ll be fundraising.
It’s taken a while for us to get our heads around how, but we’ve finally found our own, fairly unique way to raise money to help others who are also experiencing baby loss, to raise awareness, and to honour George.
We will be asking for donations, and we will be completing multiple challenges. BUT, we don’t expect people to donate multiple times. If any of our challenges inspire you to donate, then please do. But do not feel pressured to. Support comes in many forms, not just donations. One alternative to a donation would be for you to share our story – it’s a sad story, but it has so many positives too, and so many lessons we can all learn from.
What will fundraised money be spent on?
Fundraised money will be spent on achieving our four main outcomes (above).
We anticipate there being only minimal costs attached to Outcomes 1 and 2.
Outcomes 3 and 4 will be where most of the fundraised money will be spent. For example, a bear for a family who have lost their baby costs £15.
£30 – £500 funds ongoing awareness training programmes for hospital staff.
When we organise these, we will keep this site updated.
How you can support us:
You can support us by sponsoring any of our Change 17 Challenges, which we will update as we go – click here to find out more
If you are able to support Change 17, you could be changing the course of grief for bereaved parents. Lots of you have commented that we’re so positive, strong and are pleased we have been so well supported – aside from our INCREDIBLE family and friends, the midwives, funeral director, the Forget me Not Suite and Ted have made all the difference. We’d love George’s legacy to support other parents in this way.
Change 17 – The Challenges
Putting our finger on one particular challenge for fundraising has seemed difficult…so we’ve come to the conclusion that our ‘heart sings’ with the number 17, and our ‘heart sings’ when we talk about George to our support community – so we’ll combine the two and get our whole community involved in Change 17 – The Challenges!
We have literally hundreds of ideas for healthy, positive, fun fundraising challenges involving the number 17 – but we can’t do them all at once, and right now, with Covid-19 restrictions, we’re limited! So, we’ll be releasing our challenges as and when we think it’s appropriate. We’ll start with Challenge 1, then update you as we go. YOU can get involved with almost all of the challenges yourselves…you could even create your own Change 17 – Challenge!
The Challenges
Challenge 1 – 1.7 millions steps for George
A year on from the 17 weeks that George was growing, we aim to walk 1.7 million steps – to honour our boy, for our own health and wellbeing, and to promote Change 17.
This challenge will run from 21st January 2021 (a year since we first ‘met’ our boy with our positive pregnancy test), to 17th April 2021 (a year on from George’s Birthday). We’ll keep our social media updated with our progress.
Now, broken down between James and I, that fares at 100,000 steps per week – or 50,000 steps each per week.
Doesn’t seem that many when we’re encouraged to walk 10,000 steps per day. However, we’re currently both working at home, and even with a decent walk each day, are averaging 5k steps in the time we can afford. We’d love to smash the goal of 1.7million steps in 17 weeks and complete 1.7million each – but we actually think that the main challenges will be:
Consistency – not just in walking, but in tracking our steps as well.
Time – time away from the dreaded laptop to get out in nature (hopefully during daylight), is a challenge in itself right now.
Weather – we don’t shy away from bad weather, but motivation wise, it plays a part.
So, 1.7 million steps in 17 weeks is the goal.
Would you like to sponsor us? Please donate here.
Would you like to join in? Walk your own 1.7 million steps over 17 weeks (before April 17th 2021)…email ilse@myheartsingshere.co.uk or message us to keep us updated!
Future Challenges still to come:
Some fun options (when the world opens up a bit):
Seventeen challenges we’d like to complete over a long-period of time …will you sponsor us to achieve any of these? Some are big, some are small, some will take us a while, some may be combined, and some will lead to greater things…
- Visit 17 new locations around the UK and Ireland for at a full day – likely camping in Ovii
- Walk 17 kilometres around the Isle of Barra
- Train to eventually swim 1.7 miles in the sea
- Grow 17 different fruits and vegetables down at Lottie (the allotment!)
- Swim in the sea, every week, for 17 weeks
- Grow 17 different types of flowers down at Lottie
- Complete 17 minutes of meditation per day for at least 17 days
- Give 17 hours to voluntary work
- Forage and consume 17 different wild foods (with advice!)
- Gift 17 books that we would recommend
- Run 17 miles in a week
- Catch 17 fish to bbq on the beach – perhaps not all at once…
- Spend 17 minutes per day in nature for at least 17 days
- Watch 17 sunsets on Chesil beach
- Stand up 17 times on our surfboards…in the water
- Learn 17 different yoga/pilates moves and combine them in a flow
- Identify 17 different natural things, with a detail about each one – shells, seaweed, birds, plants and trees
Feel free to join us for any of these challenges – virtually or in person!
Join us with some bigger challenges:
Let’s Go Fly a Kite (Virtual – anytime in 2021)
We’ll be raising awareness for Baby Loss, Cervical Incompetence and for Change 17 by flying kites for George in 2021. Included in this is hopefully learning to kite-surf…
If you’d like to join us in flying a kite (doesn’t have to be kite-surfing – a regular kite will do!), to recognise anyone who has lost a baby or child, and to raise awareness, then fly your kite anytime in 2021…please take a photo or video and send it to us so we can celebrate it!
****
17km walk along the Jurassic Coast
It might be wet and windy, but the views will be stunning. This won’t be an easy walk, but it will mean you get to walk part of the South West Coast Path. People joining us can either donate to join, or raise money themselves for our charitable organisations. Choose whether you’ll walk the whole 17km, or any increment of 1.7km. As we’re unsure of lockdown/tier measures, we’ll update you on the date asap.
****
Change 17 Supper Club
James LOVES to cook. He will be creating a 17 course (including drinks and canapés) taster menu for anyone wanting to join us down here in Dorset/online. Details to follow!
****
Purchase from our Online shop – once it’s up and running
Just little things that have been hand made…watch this space!
Thank you so much if you’re able to support Change 17.
Click here to find out about Change 17 Challenges
Click here to donate to sponsor one of our Change 17 Challenges on our Just Giving page
