Today is the first day of #babylossawarenessweek2022 and this is how it looks for us. Planned antenatal steroid treatment prior to our little girl being born by elective c-section later this week. The steroids will help her to breathe as her lungs will be less developed at 37 weeks. I have to be in hospital for monitoring as it can affect blood sugar levels and the gestational diabetes. Feeling good though so far – grateful we can do something preventative to help her ?
What you don’t see in this photo though, behind the smile and the growing baby, is the woman I’ve become through #babyloss. I thought I’d post this week with reflections as we approach the day we’ve longed for so desperately *and* tenderly (both can exist together – remember the “&”…)
Today’s reflections:
? Baby “loss”
I’m actually choosing nowadays to avoid the term “loss” because it sounds careless and less impactful than the reality that our little boy, our first born, died two years ago. It’s uncomfortable to hear, but important to acknowledge the trauma that occurs when a baby/child dies (at any gestation/age). I’m hoping to find the courage to use the language of death in a way that makes it clear that it’s not just “one of those things” and equally to make the whole idea of life & death less scary & unspeakable for the next generation.
? Thinking of George
I’ve been thinking about transforming the conversation of “is this your first?” or “is she an only child?”. I’d love our daughter to tell people with confidence that she has an older brother. I play out people asking her “so where is he today?”…tricky, especially as we personally don’t believe in heaven (she’ll make her own mind up though). I’d love her to say “he used to live in mummy, but now he lives in our hearts and on the wind”. I want to make it tangible and reassuring for her, without telling her something which feels like a fairytale. A tricky journey which will be ongoing, but I’ve got some amazing role models who have managed exactly that so I’m led by them and my thoughtful husband who cares just as much about this as I do.
? Who is this week for?
#babylossawarenessweek isn’t really for parents whose babies have died. It’s for everyone else – the professionals who aren’t equipped with the language that acknowledges and soothes; the people who think it could never happen to them; the friends and family who want to support but don’t know how/what to say. We can gently transform this, in a kind and nurturing way, but it must be done with language, open dialogue and in a way that respects everyone. Some people feel ok to speak up this week, and represent this journey – we do that on behalf of ourselves and those who don’t feel they can.
Back to the ultimate luxury of the amazing NHS now…our hospital, the staff and the atmosphere here is so supportive today yet we pay so little for it through our taxes. James and I have spent the morning in awe of the clinical and pastoral care we’re receiving, the environment here and the space to process the thoughts and emotions of a BIG week.
Thanks for following our journey, being there for us and please don’t be afraid to speak about #babyloss with vulnerability and to truly listen to those who have experienced it. Not sure what to say? Message me and I’m happy to chat it through anytime (but maybe not on csection day ??)
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